Search parties, Missing Person APBs, and BOLO's all across the southeast have been cancelled tonight with the news that the Orlando Magic have picked up the option on J.J. Redick. I'm still not convinced Redick isn't a distant relative of Houdini or D.B. Cooper.
Bengals linebacker Darryl Blackstock has been suspended four games for violating PED policy. No word on whether the team will impose any further sanctions, but the Cincinnattica front office has league blessing to insert a personal conduct improvement clause into Blackstock's contract that will require carrying an unregistered firearm and/or public intoxication.
In related news, Cedric Benson recently signed with the Marvin Lewis Minimum Security Correctional Facility. Though this might seem a puzzling signing on the surface, a closer look reveals a new cutting edge football philosophy. Benson doesn't really upgrade the ground attack, and never really stood out as an asset in the passing game, but he does singlehandedly make the Bengals the NFL's top threat for a nautically based offensive assault.
David Stern responded to a report on NBA referees Thursday by vowing to build the "most effective possible system" to monitor illegal gambling and preserve the game's integrity. If Commissioner Dave were really that concerned about appearances, integrity, and public opinion he'd have resigned years ago.
Travis Henry was recently caught in a DEA sting operation. If found guilty of all charges Henry could be facing life in prison, or a four year contract with the Bengals.
The entire University of Wisconsin band has been suspended for 'widespread debauchery'. No further details were revealed, but mental health hotlines in the Madison area did field multiple calls from traumatized tuba players. Don't ask.
In the wake of the 34-0 drubbing at the hands of the Carolina Panthers, Raiders owner Al Davis fired Chiefs coach Herm Edwards. Turns out Herm wasn't the coach he hired either.
O.J. guilty on all counts. Poor Nordberg. Now lets go get a bite to eat.
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