Feeling The Slow Burn 6/25/09

During a recent Dan Patrick radio show interview Bud Selig let slip the formation of an MLB 'Dept. of Investigation'. Though it sounds ominous and threatening, knowing Bud as we do its not a stretch to imagine it being staffed with names like Barney Fife and Buford T. Justice. Bud also stated that drug testing in baseball today is an unrivaled success. Lets see, players get tested, positive results come back, the public gets outraged, and Bud says 'well, what do you want me to do about it?'. Yep, sounds successful.

How about if, when the topic of steroids and PEDs comes up, the reflex argument isn't to change the subject by bringing up past eras? I'm not a pharmacologist so I can't say for sure, but can someone tell me if they've ever heard of anyone who has put on forty pounds of muscle through the judicious use of amphetamines or cocaine? How about lets focus on now, and the fact that the players of today have not only inflated themselves but their numbers?
Blanket indictment: Let's turn the list of 104 back on itself. All players, every single one, who have played professional baseball during the Bud Selig era used PEDs. If players want to be considered clean and have any scarlet letters attached to their names removed then they should defy both the union and commissioner and open their personal test results to the public. I've never known any other industry besides professional sports where public perception of integrity and honesty was looked down on. Is it bad 'street cred' to be considered a clean and sober professional athlete?

Congratulations to Jarret Stoll on creating a new defining pinnacle for an underachieving career by calling off his Aug. 14 wedding to Rachel Hunter by email. Hey Jarret? I think Madonna is available. May as well make it a summer to really remember and bottom out completely in your personal life. Bonehead, thy name is Jarret Stoll. Meanwhile, Stacy's Mom has still got it going on.

Tennessee Titans RB Chris Johnson is now taking Twitter suggestions for a new endzone dance. I won't rant or beg the commissioner for a preemptive suspension. Instead I'm going to embrace his request for input and recommend the Bill Gramatica dance. Poetic justice anyone?

Tom Glavine recently announced he won't play in 2009 but isn't retiring. Wonder if the Jets or Vikings are interested.

Shortly after the announcement that Brett Favre (or B-Rent as he's known in the hood, you know, like rent-a-QB) had in fact signed with Minnesota Favre stated that he wouldn't decide until after the 2010 draft whether he'll be coming back for another season in Dallas, or Carolina, or St. Louis, or Miami.
Later on in yet another Brett Favre-inspired press conference came word that Favre will now officially be referred to by the hypesters at ESPiN as 'the only man to ever play quarterback in the NFL, of all time'.

Alex Rodriguez sat a couple games recently because he was suffering from 'fatigue'. If the drug awareness classes from years back were in any way accurate 'fatigue' is the final stage of the roid high. I sincerely hope the rumors of him with Kate Hudson are only rumors. What a total waste that'd be.

Listening to Lincoln Kennedy decrying the suspensions being meted out by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell made for quality radio comedy. Goodell should at least be credited for attempting to address the issues. Paul Tagliabue ran things while Kennedy was in the league, which translated means that there was no player conduct policy being enforced. The fact is Paul Tagliabue did nothing to address any issues that didn't involve getting Paul Tagliabue to the country club as early in the day as possible and onto the golf course even quicker. Of course Goodell looks heavyhanded for punishing anyone, since Paul Tagliabue took it upon himself to punish ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. The dirty little secret of the NFL is that Paul Tagliabue made the league nearly as scumbag-friendly as the NBA. Look at what the pursuit of the almighty buck at all costs has done for the reputation of professional basketball and tell me I'm wrong.
This being said, Lincoln Kennedy does help make Fox Sports Radio light years better than the crap being spewed over on ESPiN.

Thanks for reading.